Gratitude

Chris and I were overwhelmed by all the support we got from so many friends and family after our news from last week.  All the  messages, comments, texts, flowers, etc touched us deeply.  I know we will get through this with baby girl because we have such a great support network.  Thank you.  

Not much going on at all this week.  After a great week last week in Ocean City with family, this week was spent quietly at home in Arlington.  It's the summer of back and forths for me.  We flew home on Friday night, it was a pretty easy and enjoyable flight with beautiful views :)

Ocean City

Atlantic City

Our beloved Walden Pond 

When we got home, We picked up dinner on the way home from the airport and enjoyed it on the back patio.  I decided to put some of the potted plants back (when we go out of town I put them in range of the automatic sprinklers).  As I was carrying my pot of herbs back to the back step, I tripped over Sanders' tie up.  Me and the pot went flying.  I landed on my knee, the pot broke, and  I was all scraped up.  Now I see what they mean by being clumsy as you get bigger.  Fortunately it wasn't that hard of a fall, even if I was a little banged up.  It was definitely scary and I was sad to break my favorite pot.

I've noticed other things.  It's harder to get up from the floor, or even a sofa.  I often struggle or need help.  I'm learning to roll on my side first, when possible.  I also learned that some things are getting harder.  I can't be on my feet or sit in a hard chair for a long time or my back aches.  We sailed on Sunday, and getting around on the boat is getting more cumbersome.  I've learned that even though I don't feel hot most of the time, I do feel the effect of the heat sooner.  Even going up the two flights to my parents house, I find myself winded.  All minor things, but important to know.  

I got my third cold since I got pregnant.  Not fun at all.  I swear it amplifies the symptoms, especially since I can't take any of the meds that usually help me.  I spent the entire day Tuesday on the couch.  I felt a bit better yesterday, but still took it pretty easy.  Feeling not so great again today as it has traveled to my chest.  Sanders has been good company and laid by me or laid his chin on my knees.  Baby girl took the opportunity to play all day in my belly.  She was dancing around a bit this morning too, but now I think she's pretty worn out - pretty quiet in there but I'm pretty sure after I have my evening ice cream she will be dancing around again.    

I can no longer see my feet when standing straight up.  And my belly has surpassed my chest.  Overall, I love being pregnant.  I find it entirely magical and stare at my belly often in wonder.  I love feeling baby move around inside my belly and now I'm able to see my belly move sometimes.  It is such an incredible feeling.  I'm sure I would feel different if I was having a hard pregnancy, but I just want to enjoy every moment of it.  I'm so grateful to have this opportunity.  I'm anxious to meet our little girl, but also don't want this period to end.  I waited so long to experience this and it is such a miraculous thing, I just want to soak it all up.  

Other milestones ?  I finally ordered the nursery furniture that we picked out two months ago :)

Also, my BOB (gift from my parents came)!!!! I have waited so long to own one of these, I can't tell you how excited I am.  I spent all evening getting to know it.  BOB just released a new model in new colors with an adjustable handlebar.  It's beautiful.  Now I have to start practicing walking the dog with it :)

Here's the long awaited 23 week bump shot.  Please excuse my messy hair, the fact that I look exhausted, and that I'm laughing (Chris was trying to make me laugh so I didn't look so tired).  Again, I blame the cold.  

Even though this is the 23 week update, Today we actually hit 24 weeks or 6 months (I'm a little behind on the blog - I blame the cold)!  With 24 weeks comes viability, but not so much for baby girl with her heart defect.  Each week from here on out is one week safer though, so that's comforting.  By 28 weeks baby has a 85-90% survival rate.  We're almost there!  It seems unbelievable to me that there is only a month left in the second trimester.  It's not really going all that fast, but it just seems strange to me that we're closing in on 2/3 of the way there.  

After an exhausting day of driving, I'm back in Ocean City, where I hope the salt air will take care of my nasty cold.  This is my longest stretch - I'll be here until Aug 3.  

Taking it easy

This going to be a pretty boring post.  After last week's wild ups and downs, this week had been quiet and relaxing.  We flew into Ocean City on Saturday for our annual family week at the shore and are here until Friday afternoon.  Chris has been having fun taking the family up in the plane, while I have been enjoying relaxing on the beach.  I am now 22 weeks (I'll be 23 weeks tomorrow) and feeling pretty good.  Baby is moving around a fair amount and Chris finally was able to feel her move, though she is still pretty shy when a hand goes on the belly.  I'm getting more and more uncomfortable, especially when trying to sleep.  At my monthly appointment last week, my midwife said my belly was measuring on schedule and I am gaining weight at a good rate.  This past month I only gained 1/4 lb, which made me happy since I went out of the gate pretty quickly.  The heart rate sounded good and baby girl was moving all over the place.  My midwife said that other than her heart, everything was looking great!

I'm still keeping up with the physical activity and I even still fit in my wetsuit (sort of).  This is good, since the water temperature down in Ocean City has officially dipped below 60.  Here's a picture post swim from this past Sunday

Since we are on vacation in Ocean City this week, much of the week has been spent sleeping late and relaxing on the beach.  Somehow I am still tired all the time.  I guess that is the new normal.  This past week, she was as big as an eggplant.  She weighs about a pound.  We didn't bring our sign, so instead, I just took an eggplant to the beach for this week's picture. :). We just need to get through one more week, and we will officially be in he viability range, if she were to choose to come early, however, we'd really like for her to stay in there as long as possible and get big and strong so that she is ready for surgery.

In other news, I finally picked out the bedding for the nursery and ordered a rug to put in her room.  The colors will be coral / blue / turquoise / yellow.  Here are some photos of the bedding:

And the rug:

Baby girl is moving around right now and says hello!  Hope everyone is having a good week :)

Nothing is ever easy

This is a special blog post.  I have been trying to process it for days.  This one is a doozy and will be long, so sit down and find a comfortable spot.

Those of you who have followed our story from the beginning, or have read our blog from the start, know now that Chris and I don't do things the easy way. This pregnancy has been suspiciously easy.  Until now.

As I said in last week'a entry, last Monday I was scheduled for a follow-up ultrasound because baby girl was hiding something they wanted to see.  So off I went, thinking everything would be routine.  Chris didn't come as he had a lot to do at work, and didn't think it would matter.  I had a nice lunch with a friend before the appointment then headed over to Mt Auburn.  The tech spent a good 40 minutes looking, but couldn't really get baby girl into a good position.  In came the Dr.   This time I saw Dr Ralston, who is the director of Maternal and Fetal Medicine at Beth Israel in Boston.  He comes to Mt Auburn on Mondays as the two hospitals are both Harvard affiliated.  This was the first time I had met him, but liked him instantly.  I felt at ease.  He spent another 20 minutes trying to find what he needed, but baby girl still wouldn't comply.  He then stopped and said to me that he wanted me to get a more advanced test, an echocardiogram.  And he wanted me to go to Children's.  To see some cardiologists.  At Children's.  He explained that, even though they can't get baby in a good position, if they don't see what they need to see after two tries it is often because it is missing.  He suspected baby was missing a heart valve.  

He said he was going to get me in later that week.  That he had connections and he wanted to know ASAP what was going on.  

Through our medical adventures, Chris and I have come to know most of the major hospitals in Boston.  I had a breast reduction at Newton-Wellesley, he met with a doctor at MGH for his Barrett's esophagus, we've spent a ton of time at Beth Israel getting the Barrett's taken care of, I've been to New England Baptist multiple times for various running injuries, and then most of our regular doctors are at Mt Auburn.  This does not include the infinite amount of time we've spent at RSC (not a hospital) being treated for infertility.  The only major hospitals left are Tufts / Boston Medical Center, Brigham and Women's, Dana Farber, and Children's.  While it's not ideal to know every hospital in Boston, of those four, there are two I hoped to never see the inside of - Dana Farber (for obvious reasons) and Children's, because that means your child is very sick.  So when Dr Ralston said we needed to go to Children's, it took everything I had not to flip out.  

I held it together pretty good and asked a few questions.  Most importantly, what he thought the prognosis might be.  He said probably very good, but it would be complicated and probably involve surgery.  He said there may be an underlying chromosomal disorder, and though we have pretty much ruled out Down's syndrome, there are others.  He mentioned possibly doing an amnio, something I haven't been keen on since the beginning as there is an increased risk for miscarriage associated with amniocentesis.  He told me it wasn't mandatory, but if I had any desire to terminate the pregnancy and not deal with these issues, an amnio would be the way we'd need to go.  I told him termination was not an option and explained the brief story of how we got here.  I asked him if I should limit myself in any way until we got the full diagnosis, and he said he didn't think that was necessary and I should continue doing what I'm doing.  

I kept it together until I walked out if the hospital.  I can not tell you the number of times I have walked out of a doctors appointment crying, so this felt a little more natural than walking out with a smile on my face.  This was worse though.  The uncertainty for my unborn baby's health, possibly even her life was clear.  I called Chris but he didn't answer, so I texted and asked him to call now.  I completely lost it and was sobbing so hard I was incomprehensible.  He tried to reassure me and told me we'd just have to wait and see.  Once again, we were on the wait and see train.  We have spent the last 4 years waiting and seeing, so this is not a new feeling, but it still sucks.  

Tuesday I had a bunch of things I needed to get done, but found it hard to concentrate.  Wednesday I was scheduled to see my midwife for my monthly appointment.  In the time in between the two appointments, I tried very hard to limit my internet exposure as I had little information and didn't want to self-diagnose.  I was looking forward to this appointment with my midwife for some reassurance and direction.  

After leaving my appointment with my midwife, I felt a lot better.  She gave me a hug when she came in and asked me to explain what I thought was going on (even though I knew Dr Ralston had been in touch).  I explained and she told me that her son was a heart baby.  He had a defective valve and had it fixed when he was in his 20s.  She raved about Children's.  She also told me about a friend's daughter who suffered from a condition called Tetrology of Fallot (4 different heart defects) and how she was 20 something and had just graduated college.  Both kids have lived an active healthy life.  We discussed what would happen with my care.  She said I could continue to see her or I could transfer immediately over to Dr Ralston and either way they'd make it seamless.  While these discussions were about seemingly little things, they gave me some answers that I could carry with me to my appointment the next day at Children's.  Then she examined me - the good news is I'm healthy (more about that in my 22 week update coming soon).

The next morning, we got up early to get to Children's in time for our 8 appt.  I didn't sleep well.  Between the heat and humidity and overthinking everything, I had gone to bed with a massive headache.  It was still there in the morning, but wasn't as massive.  We got there right on time, filled out the paperwork and at 8:00 sharp, a woman called out our name and introduced herself as, Chris, the cardiac fellow.  So we skipped right to a doctor, no nurses or techs examining us here, which made it seem a little scarier to me, as in whoa, this is really serious.  She led us into the exam room and had me sit on the bed to get ready for the echocardiogram, which is really just a high tech ultrasound that allows them to see the function of the heart in a much more detailed way.  She was great.  She made little jokes that made this much easier and told us much of what she was seeing.  She spent about 40 minutes.  Then she went to get Dr Friedman, the doctor assigned to our case.  It took them about 10 minutes to come back, in which time, I'm fairly certain they were discussing what she found.  When they came back, he introduced himself as "our" cardiologist.  This was both scary and reassuring.  He spent another 20 minutes or so and they continued to discuss.  It was pretty clear at this point that Dr Ralston had been right and something was wrong.  They told us it was complicated and gave us a quick break so I could get the gel off my belly and take a bathroom break and that we'd reconvene in the conference room.  

In the conference room we learned exactly how complicated it was.  Many of these terms were scary to hear, but I'm sure in the coming months they will become part of our normal vocabulary.  In many ways they already have.  Dr Freidman began by explaining the normal function of the heart. Chris, the cardiac fellow, took notes for us.  He then started to explain what they thought was wrong, however he said it was so complicated that they weren't even 100% sure this was the correct diagnosis.  To be brief, we learned that baby girl has a hole between her ventricles and only one artery instead of two coming out of the top.  They originally thought it was the pulmonary artery coming out of the top and that she had aortic atresia (the aorta was underdeveloped). This is a rare defect and was going to involve a very complicated surgery a week after birth.  It is a surgery that us not done very frequently and a condition that foes not have a name.   She would be put on prostaglandins immediately after she was born to keep a valve that normally closes up open so she could function.  They said she'd likely be in the hospital for 2 months, but if she got through surgery, the prognosis was great.  

They also explained that I would need to deliver either at Beth Israel or Brigham and Women's, so that she could be brought immediately over to children's.  Brigham is slightly better, only because it is connected by a bridge, however my referring doctor is a BI doctor so they suggested I deliver with him at BI.  This makes me sad because I love my midwife and I love Mt Auburn.  I was looking forward to a very natural birth at Mt Auburn.  BI was not in the cards.  It's amazing how things change in the span of a couple hours.  They did say that even though I was going to transfer to a high risk doctor, that my pregnancy was in no way high risk.  They all agreed that we should still go on vacation and that I should still continue to exercise.  Nothing would change until she was born.  After the doctors left, the nurse sat with us a bit and chatted with us to make sure there were no questions.  She tried to reassure us as best she could.

Two and half hours later, we finally walked out of children's.   We left there now knowing that things were very different from how we had planned and that the smooth sailing was about to end.  By November, the seas are going to get very rough.  

I spent most of the rest of the day trying to digest and process the news.  A friend and I had decided to go into Boston for the rescheduled 4th of July concert and fireworks, so this was a good distraction.  Around 3:30, my phone rang.  It was Dr Friedman.  I saw the number and guessed that was who it was.  Having a doctor I just saw call me scared me a little bit.  As it turned out, it was somewhat good news.  They had spent the day reviewing our case and had decided it was not aortic atresia, but instead it was pulmonary atresia.  This means that the one big artery coming out of the heart was the aorta instead of the pulmonary artery.  This was a much more common defect, a condition known as Tetrology of Fallot.  The same condition that my midwife had just told me about where the patient was in her 20s, healthy and just out of college.  He told me that because the aorta was there, the surgery would be easier and baby would only be in the hospital about a month.  This means she'll probably be home for Christmas!!  A definite bright spot when I realized that.

Tetrology of Fallot has 4 characteristic defects - one big artery (the aorta) coming out of the heart, a hole between the ventricles (ventricular septic defect -VSD), a smaller, underdeveloped artery also coming out of the top (pulmonary stenosis or atresia), and a build up of muscle tissue in the right ventricle over time (right ventricular hypertrophy), which is not present in our case because we caught it early and the heart is not serving its usual function yet. So what does the surgery entail?  They will have to plug the VSD.  They will connect the existing, underdeveloped PA to the aorta, and they will insert a conduit (tube) to serve the function of the pulmonary artery.  In the case of the original diagnosis, they would have had to make the pulmonary artery serve as the aorta and replace it with a conduit.    Either way it is major open heart surgery and, of course, is risky.  She will need lifelong cardiac care, but should be able to live a long, healthy, happy, and active life.  She will require more surgeries as she grows older to replace the conduit as she grows, but none will be as extensive as the first.  

How do I feel?  A little numb.  A little relieved that we know what it is and that I'm no longer waiting for bad news. At first, I felt very overwhelmed, but it's becoming a little less overwhelming now.  Knowing she will only be in the hospital for a month is much better than two months.  But most of all, I feel blessed that we live in Boston and have access to the best pediatric cardiac unit in the country.  

The care that we have already received at Children's is second to none.  The doctors are caring and not overly clinical, especially given they are the best of the best.  Not only did the cardiologist call to tell me the change in diagnosis, but I was also given his and his fellow's email address, as well as the emails for both nurses on our case.  My new OB, Dr Ralston, called to check in Thursday evening, the night before the 4th of July holiday.  He left me his cell phone number and told me I could reach him anytime over the weekend.   I finally called him back yesterday.  He was reassuring and told me the same thing my midwife told me - that we would make the transition seamless.  He suggested doing it sooner rather than later, just so I could get accustomed to his practice, which is the way I was leaning.  I told him I would go to my August appt with Phyllis to wrap things up, and start coming to him in September.  He thought this was a great plan.  He, along with Phyllis and the cardiologist, once again emphasized that my pregnancy was NOT high risk and that baby girl will develop normally until she is born.  Her heart is serving it's proper purpose in-utero and I am doing most if the work.  All three emphasized that the only reason I would deliver at BI and not Mt Auburn is the fact that I need to be close to Children's for her.  Dr Ralston told me there was no reason why I (or she) could not endure natural labor and that I could have as high or as low tech a delivery as I wanted.  He told me that even though he was a high risk ob, he was a midwife at heart and he'd make sure I have the delivery I want to have.  Aside from baby's health implications, missing out on that natural experience was one of the things I have been struggling with the most, so that was a relief.  So really, the only difference in our baby's birth will be that instead of being born in Cambridge she will be born in Boston and instead of an uneventful, quiet birth, she will be met by a team of waiting cardiologists, anxious for her arrival.  

I am happy that Dr Ralston (ranked as one of Boston's best Maternal and Fetal Med doctors) caught this early and that we can be be prepared.  So many people that have babies with this condition don't find out until their baby is born or much later.   In one short week, we have been able to assemble a team that will be prepared and waiting for her arrival, so she will receive the best care possible.  

I have gone from beside myself, to in denial, to now, as I sit here feeling her kick me, at peace.  Que sera sera.  Whatever will be will be.  I still feel confident that she will be fine.  We have the best care.  I feel relaxed and ready to take on this next big challenge.  Maybe this is why we had to endure all he struggles we have endured - to prepare us for this last major challenge.  I thought we had earned a smooth pregnancy, but apparently this little heart warrior has chosen us as parents, and as special as she already is, this will just make her more special.  

We will be sure to continue to update.  I thought the roller coaster ride was over, but clearly it's just beginning!  Like I said, nothing is ever easy....

Summer is a time for reflection

It has been a while since I posted.  I missed several weeks.  The end of the school year is always busy and when you couple it with the exhaustion I'm still feeling, it was hard to find the time to sit down and write.  I have had plenty of time to reflect. 

The end of the school year is always a time of reflection for me.  I reflect back on how the school year was, what I would do differently professionally, and start to think about goals for the next school year.  The summer vacation is such a beautiful thing, not only because it gives me to to recharge and refresh 

and the downtime to reflect, but it also gives us all, teachers and students, a time to start anew.  What other career truly allows for this?  It is for this reason that reflection is so important in teaching.  I also use this as a time to reflect upon my personal life, especially in the past two to three years.  This year, I couldn't help to think back to where I was two years ago and how bittersweet that is.  Two years ago, at the end of the school year, I was pregnant with my angel baby.  The day before school ended, I went for an ultrasound to find that the baby was measuring small.  Dr Pauli suggested we come back in a week to see if the baby was growing on progress.  Well, we all know what happened there.  In the last few days of the school year, I thought about this a lot, especially as I've helped a few others cope with similar situations in the past few years and it always brings it all rushing back.  I consider helping others part of my therapy and I feel like helping them is something I need to do.  I hate that others have to go through the same thing I went through, and feel like the least I can do is to help them through.  Then I started to reflect upon last year.  At the end of the school year last year, I had just completed my last round of IVF and was awaiting egg transfer.  I ended up leaving early on the last day of school, missing our last day luncheon for my transfer.  I was pretty certain upon transfer that it was not going to work as the quality was not very great.  I started the summer on the two week wait.  I was due to test on July 3.  Almost exactly a year ago today.  I went in for my test thinking for sure it had failed and was planning out the fun the things I was going to do because I was not pregnant.  I was shocked when they said my hormone levels were elevated but low.  I had to put the fun things off for a few days to see if the levels had risen.  Of course they hadn't.  So July 5th, 2013, marked the day I went back to living life.  Now here I am - closing in on 22 weeks.  We're past the halfway mark and we're having a baby!  Now we get to count down instead of count up.  18 weeks and 2 days till our due date.  It is so exciting to think that we're getting so much close!  So many people talk about being scared.  I've had so much time to reflect that we're not the least bit scared.  We just wish it could be Nov, so that she will be here. 

So, many of you are probably thinking what is new with the baby.  She is kicking and moving constantly.  We're still waiting for Chris to be able to feel - every time he puts his hand on my belly she stops moving. 

Last post, we had gone for our anatomy scan and had been told we needed to come back in a few weeks because there was something they couldn't see in the heart because her arm was in the way.  The follow-up was yesterday.  She was still being difficult, so we will have to have yet another ultrasound.  The good side of that is that we get to see baby girl again.  Here are her most recent pictures. 

I'm still feeling pretty tired.  Not so tired that I need two hour naps, but I am finding I need more sleep at night. Working out is not getting any easier, but I'm still doing it.  I fear the heat will get me soon, though I am fortunate to have places to swim and people to swim with.  This morning I swam for 30 minutes at Walden Pond, which is just a magical place.  Last week, I swam 3/4 mile in the ocean. I'm still biking and running too and when I don't feel like those things I go for a walk. A couple of weeks ago I participated in a 26 person marathon relay, where each runner ran a mile on a track.  I have never raced a mile, so I got a PR with 7:42 at 5 months pregnant!  

My belly is starting to pop out and I'm finally starting to look visibly pregnant instead of fat, though it still pretty much depends on what I wear. 

This has been a wild ride and I'm certain it is not over with.  I'm grateful to each of you who reads this blog.  It means a lot to share my story with people.  I'm also grateful for the support I have gotten from so many people.  I love the messages I have received from so many of you, offering words of encouragement and support.  So many people have been so generous and have sent me gifts, which we are so touched by.  A friend gave me a whole carload of baby stuff that she is currently not using. 

 It was fun looking at all the wonderful stuff she had and it feels so real now that we have baby gear in the house, including a car seat and a swing.  We feel so loved and supported.   Thank you all so much for being there for us.  We're so happy to be able to share this ride.   

Wrapping things up...

I'm definitely a little late this week on my 18 week post.  I hit 19 weeks yesterday.  That's what the end of the school year will do to you!

This week has been busy trying to wrap things up at school.  While I have felt fried for a while, and I know my kids have felt the same way, we all managed to rise to the occasion this week and get it done.  It was a busy week of stuffing in the last of new material and wrapping up the school year.   While the past few weeks have felt filled with distraction, for me and them, this week we were all on task.  Yesterday was the last day of classes and today was the first day of finals.  I have graded all of my finals from today, so I can have a nice relaxing weekend.  It sort of feels like summer already, even if there are 4 more workdays.  I'm really ready to be done, but I know I have a busy summer ahead. 

Along with wrapping things up at school, the weather has not been in my favor, and therefore I have had an off week for my fitness.  It started on Saturday when it was just too hot to run after proctoring SATs.  More of the same Sunday, so Sanders and I went for a hike instead.  Monday was the third hot day in a row, so I decided to get up and run before school.  That didn't go overly well - Sanders is NOT and early morning runner and ran out of gas after a mile.  We had to walk a mile home and by then it was too late for me to do anything else.  I did manage to get a swim in Monday afternoon and that was my last workout of the week.  Tuesday and Wednesday, I was just too exhausted and yesterday, I had a full day with no room for a run.  Not to mention I had a migraine and probably wouldn't have run anyway.  Today is a miserable day, weather-wise, but maybe I can drag myself into the basement for a quick workout.  It's ok...I'll get back to it over the weekend.

Monday was a big day!  We went for our Level II ultrasound, also known as an anatomy scan.  This is an hour-long ultrasound where they look at every part of the baby to make sure she is developing ok.  Amazing to get to sit there and look at her for an hour.  She looks perfect and the doctor had nothing but good things to say.  However, our daughter was being stubborn and was hiding her heart, so the doctor couldn't see everything he wanted to see, so we have to go back.  This means another afternoon at the hospital, but on the bright side, it is another opportunity to look at the baby.

Sadly, I will be forever affected by infertility.  The doctor wanting us to come back automatically sent me into a tailspin wondering if there was something wrong that they weren't telling us.  I know this is not why we have to come back, but my brain automatically jumps to conclusions.  This pregnancy has been so trouble-free (I wanted to say easy, but there is nothing easy about pregnancy, even if I am loving it), that I just am waiting for something to go wrong (or to wake up from a wonderful dream).

I am getting bigger - not big enough for strangers to ask when I am due or touch my belly yet, but certainly big enough for people to notice.  Several co-workers have told me I am starting to pop.  I still feel kind of fat, but I do love my belly.  I am thankful for each week that passes, as it is one more week closer to delivering a healthy baby.  In a few weeks, we'll reach viability - this is such a huge milestone!  Then a few weeks after that - third trimester.  I hate to count the weeks, as I'm loving being pregnant, but with each week that passes, it becomes a little more real.  

Finally, I need to share a fortune I got in a Dove chocolate the other day, because I really feel like it sums up where I am right now.  A friend told me I need to save this for the baby book....I think she's right. 

My "kids"

It is a rare occurrence that I am bored at work, my field is just not one that lends itself  to boredom...usually quite the opposite - arriving at 7AM, hitting the ground running, and not even having time to look at the clock until, whoops!  It's 4:00.  Tuesday was one of those rare days when I was bored.  Our kids were involved in MCAS testing.  This is the state standardized test they need to graduate from high school.  It happens three times a year - once in March, one in May, and once in. June.  Usually, I hoard some of my grading and it is a big chunk of very productive time.  It I had an easy week last week and had everything graded before I left on Friday.  It is so nice going into the weekend knowing there is nothing to grade, but it happens so rarely.   Anyway, having gotten the grading done, I had nothing to do while the kids tested.  The way the schedule fell, I only had one class in the afternoon, so it was long day of trying to stay occupied.  Funny, though I didn't get around to posting this until today.   

I few weeks ago, I promised a blog about my kids.  The end of the school year is busy and I never got around to it.  So I'm going to do a  bonus blog.  

Teaching high school is not a career I ever imagined for myself, but it was one of the best things to ever fall into.  After 4 frustrating years of doctoral study, I realized it was not for me and had to decide what next.  My professors at BU recommended high school.  So I went full force into finding a job.  The job at Malden High School was offered to me about a month after I left my PhD.  I accepted it and never looked back.  If I could never imagine teaching high school, I really never could imagine teaching in an urban school district, but now I wouldn't have it any other way.  Our parents are appreciative, our kids are mostly grateful.  Some of them are struggling with things none of us could ever imagine - hunger, homelessness, absent parents, the list goes on.  Many do not have good home lives.  Many of them see us more than they see their parents.  Many are needy.  The relationships I have formed with my high school kids is far deeper than any relationship I ever formed with my BU kids.  It is challenging and rewarding all at the same time.  

To say they were excited that I am pregnant is an understatement.  They had figured it out long before. I was ready to share, but I continued to keep my secret.  I stressed every day about what to wear, so as not to give it away to the ones who hadn't figured it out.  I told my principal two weeks before I was ready because I didn't want him to learn the news from them.  I listened to them whisper about me for weeks.  Chris and I talked about what I should do and if I should come clean.  I decided to just wait and play it cool.  Finally, one day a particularly bold kid said something that was just too obvious.  I turned to her and told her she was being obvious and to stop.  This is a kid that a few weeks before had come by my room to hang out.  When she got there, she kept talking about babies and how this year was the year of the baby (there are 13 faculty members who are expecting).  Anyway, When I dismissed them to lunch, she and her friend lingered and asked me what I meant by saying she was obvious.  I told her that I thought she knew.  She played dumb and said what do you mean, I said I think you know.  So she said, but are you?  And I said yes.  They screamed in excitement and told me that they had known since March and I said I knew that, but that it is not information that I wanted out that early.   By the end of the day, another class had figured it out, and next I knew it was on Twitter.  I had been outed by a bunch of teenagers.  Throughout that week, I was showered by congratulations from kids and faculty (fortunately, I had been able to get to everyone I wanted to tell myself before the kids outed me).

That was about 5-6 weeks ago.  They are still excited and I don't go a day without having a kid ask me  how I am feeling, what I am going to name her, if I am going to speak French to her, etc.  I have received cards 

and have had touching conversations, like the time the kid told me they were all so excited because they just all loved me so much.  I've also had some funny conversations, like the time a girl told me they knew because my boobs had gotten really big.  

I am not 100% sure what I will do next year, but it would be nice to take the rest of the year off and come back in the fall.  I do know I will miss them and can't imagine my life without them.  I am scared for who will replace me and if they will do good job because my kids deserve the best.  

Quick update on baby Crellin:  I had my 4 month appointment yesterday.  These appointments are short, but still produce a little anxiety for me, a left over repercussion of infertility.  I always worry, what if we don't hear the heartbeat?  What if something is wrong?  Well, everything is fine.  I am finally gaining weight normally, not rapidly (only 3lbs this month!).  We listened to (and I recorded) the heartbeat.  While listening to the heartbeat, we could hear her moving around in there....so awesome.  My midwife confirmed that what I have been feeling is most likely movement and even a few kicks here and there.  I have an posterior placenta, meaning the placenta is attached to the back wall of my uterus.  This is neither good or bad, just normal (love normal!!), but it is allowing me to feel baby moving earlier than average.  I think I first felt it at around 12.5w.   We are 18w today.  Can't believe it.  I am just loving pregnancy - it is a miracle and fills me with wonder and joy.  I always wanted to be the girl who loved being pregnant and here I am, a dream that I never thought would come true.  Next blog will be Monday night after the big anatomy ultrasound!  Stay tuned!! 

A taste of summer!

Not much exciting to report on baby this week.  Just chugging along ready for summer to begin.

Got to my first Red Sox game this week.  I was lucky enough to be invited by my friend Melanie, who had a pair of front row seats!  We were right behind the camera crew.  It was also the celebration of the 2004 team, which was awesome!  So many of the old team came back and we were so lucky to be so close to them.  It was a pretty cold night, not summery at all, but it was a blast!

It was such a beautiful weekend up here in New England. Every time we have weather like this, it reminds me why I live here.  The warm summer sun has finally thawed us out from the long, cold winter.  I am grateful for the long hard winters.  Why, you may ask?  Well, without them, I could never appreciate weather like we had this weekend.  This weather also makes me long for the school year to just end now.  13 more school days and only 8 teaching days after today.  

My goal for the weekend had been to clean my house.  Usually by June, as the school year barrels to its close, my house is a disaster.  This year, it is double the disaster, a result of the extreme fatigue that lasted me through most of May.  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the fatigue, I'm happy for any symptoms.  It means all is well.  Having dealt with infertility for so long, I always said I'd welcome feeling like garbage for 9 months.  And I'll definitely take extreme fatigue over throwing up, but it certainly was trying.  Now that my energy is returning, there is wreckage to clean up.  But with the weather so beautiful, I couldn't resist and instead spent as much time as I could outside.  

Saturday started with a run and swim out at Walden.  Then on to a BBQ / housewarming.  Finally, and the only thing that happened baby-related, I spent most of the afternoon at Babies R' Us, getting my registry set up.   My friend Jess was kind enough to offer to help me and I can not say how much I appreciated it.  Her assistance was beyond useful, and made what I thought would be a dreadful and overwhelming task, a fun afternoon.  It also saved Chris from what would have been a painful afternoon, making it a more painful process for me.  Instead, he hung out with Jess' husband,  Jared, one of his longtime friends, and their almost two-year-old daughter.  I think he had a lot more fun doing that than spending the day inside at Babies R' Us with me.  The registry is mostly set-up and ready to go and I even made my first purchase, an adorable pair of shoes that were on clearance.  Hope they fit by Christmas!

I have a few more big items that need to go on there, but they involve some more thought and perhaps a little input from the daddy-to-be.  I'd also like to check out Buy Buy Baby for some of these things. 

Sunday was gorgeous beyond belief.  Again, too nice to stay in and clean the house.  I forced myself to go to the grocery store, which is good because there was almost no food left in the house.  I also cleaned my car, which was almost as big of a disaster as my house, so that was productive.   I have been embarrassed for people to ride in it, it was such a mess. We also went for a long walk and got some ice cream, because this baby likes ice cream :) or at least I keep telling myself that as an excuse.  

As far as baby, like I said, not much happening.  I have a check-up this week, which I expect to be uneventful, and a big ultrasound next week - can't wait for that!  I'm starting to actually look pregnant, instead of fat, but have yet to have anyone ask me when I am due.  I've been wearing maternity clothes since 8 weeks and exclusively since 10, mostly because I can't stand anything restrictive on my stomach, but it's only recently become truly visible.  I went out like gangbusters on the weight gain and have been a little worried about it.  My midwife told me not to worry about it for another month or two as it might level off.  And it has...in fact, since I weighed myself last I've actually lost a pound, which isn't a bad thing since I am ahead of schedule in that department.  I've gained a total of 13 pounds, when most charts say I should have gained no more than 10.  Oh well.  I attribute most of this to the fact that I couldn't do anything but sleep and eat for the first 12 weeks, and since then my energy has been spotty (though fortunately my appetite has decreased).  I am finally exercising regularly again - I got up at 5 this morning to run because the temp is going into the 80s today and that is too hot for me. I would be happy if I could stay where I am until about 21 weeks, and then I will be back in the normal range again, but we'll see what the midwife says.  

So leaving you with my bump pic of the week.  Sorry that I look a mess....Sunday evening after a pretty busy day!  17 weeks and the size of an onion....