It's easy sometimes now to feel like I was never pregnant. I still find myself doing things like I have a belly, like bending over in a funny manner, but those habits are beginning to fade. Yesterday, two days short of three weeks postpartum, I was able to button and wear my prepregnancy jeans, the jeans I bought as a reward for losing all the weight from IVF and then some. It was a little bittersweet. As I suspected, I miss being pregnant. I miss feeling Hope move around inside of me and I'm sure this is amplified by the fact that she is not home with us. But, in the end, pregnancy was not kind to me. I was very sick, without realizing it. Fortunately, I have great medical care and they knew it was time to get her out. I still felt crummy for a week after she was born, but once I got on those pills, and my blood pressure came down, I felt like a new person. Getting into my prepregnancy jeans is sweet, in that it is a relief to feel like myself again, a relief that I was able to get my body back and so quickly! It is nice to have my style back, though my top half is still a "huge" challenge (pun intended). Pregnancy improved my body image. I loved watching my belly grow and my body change and find it amazing that it was able to shrink back so quickly. I love the curves, and am filled with wonder in the fact that even though my body is not perfect, it is beautiful because it grew a perfect little baby girl.
Hope is making progress. Still at her own pace. They took more tubes off yesterday, though she still has quite a few. She was not awake yesterday, but I did not find this surprising. They had to put her back on paralytics for the closure and they left her on them as she adjusted to them. She didn't come off of them until yesterday morning. As of yesterday, they were weaning her off of morphine and starting to give her methadone for the pain instead. This will allow her to be more awake and the bigger step, will allow her to start working on breathing on her own. She got real food for the first time in 11 days. They are reintroducing food slowly through a nasogastric feeding tube (NG tube) to see how she does. So all in all, it's good. Chris and I would both like the progress to be faster, but understand we need to be patient. I am far more relaxed now that she's closed and now that I saw her awake once and as much as I'd like her home, I'm ok with her taking her time if that is necessary. I'm hoping today is a day with much more outward progress.
My nurse dressed me all up in fancy socks!
Down to just a bandaid!
Stay posted as I bring you more updates, but for now it is time for me to go back to bed.
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