I did it! I successfully fed Hope only breastmilk for a year, aside from the short period we had to fortify with formula to help her catch up on her weight.
When I found out I was pregnant with Hope, I was committed to at least trying breastfeeding. I had no other goals than to simply try it out and see if it worked for us. I was not breastfed, so I know you can be perfectly healthy without being breastfed. However, I was curious to see if I could do it, and thought it was cool that I could possibly provide for my baby entirely through my own body. When we found out about her heart defect, things changed a bit. I realized I needed to do everything I could to help her. Breastfeeding provides extra antibodies and immunities that non-breastfed babies don't get. When she was born, it became very clear, very early, that we were going to have a rough road. Its stressful enough trying to learn how to breastfeed a newborn, even more stressful when you are separated from your newborn and unable to try around the clock, and even more stressful when your newborn has health issues complicating pretty much everything. I did my best to teach her to feed at the breast, but it was really tough for us. First there was the learning curve, difficult for any new mom and baby, compounded by us not being together around the clock. Then there was the fact that nursing can be exhausting for heart babies, and it definitely seemed to be for Hope. Then at 8 days, there was the NEC (bowel infection) scare, where Hope was classified NPO (Nothing Per Oral). She was not allowed to eat anything other than sugar water via IV until well after the surgery, which took place at 12 days old. She was closed up 5 days later, and didn't really start to wake up until 7 days after the surgery, at which point she was not only weak, but also heavily sedated. It wasn't until she was about 4 weeks old that we were able to try again. And that was hard, because we felt a lot of pressure just to get her eating and have something to show for it. I was only allowed to try once a day and it was always followed by a bottle. While she latched and was definitely getting milk out of me, we had nothing to show for it, and we wanted to go home! Bottles were easier. Once we got home (40 days old), the pediatrician advised me I could try for twice a day, but still follow with a bottle. Each time, she was still taking the same amount from the bottle that she would have if I hadn't nursed her, so it started to become clear to me that she wasn't getting much and taking a bottle was just working better for her. Shortly after New Year's, right before she turned 3 months old, she gave up completely, screaming any time I'd bring her to breast.
I began my pumping journey about 3 hours after Hope was born. After they cleaned us both up, transferred Hope to Children's, and transferred me to my room, the nurse taught me how to assemble and use the pump. It seems so funny to me now, since by the end I could have done it in my sleep. At 5:30 in the morning, after having been up all night, I connected this foreign machine to my body in order to feed my child. I got only a couple of mLs of colostrum, but boy did it feel good. I very proudly delivered them to my baby girl later that afternoon. I continued to pump for her, every two hours. The nurses and lactation consultants advised me not to set an alarm in the middle of the night to pump. Our situation was so stressful, they thought it was better for me and my supply to sleep. If I woke, I often got up and pumped, but I didn't always. I continued to pump through the time she was NPO and while she was sleeping and sedated and was able to get a nice little supply going. Once she woke up and we started to try nursing, I'd nurse her, then give her a bottle, then pump. Or have someone else give her a bottle while I pumped. I eventually settled into a routine of pumping 6-7 times a day, through the holidays. I didn't know how I'd keep it up, and my goal through those early days was to get to 3 months. But somehow, I kept going. Before I knew it, we had made it to 6 months and it had become routine. I scheduled my life around it on
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