Coming out of hibernation and running into spring

It's been a long time since I have posted.  I've been putting it off for awhile.  The problem is I'm not quite sure where to begin.  There's so much to say, it took me over a week to complete this post.  Since my last post we've seen 9 feet of snow and record cold.  We've seen the return of spring (finally!).  Hope has traveled on a plane and finally experienced warm weather.  She's gone from newborn to infant, slept through the night, and eaten solid foods, amongst other milestones.  She's met and visited with so many people. I've struggled to recover from pregnancy and childbirth to train for the Boston Marathon during one of the most brutal winters on record.  That's just the tip of the iceberg...

This was Hope at the time of my last post.  

This is Hope today:

As you can see, she's growing up.  She's  still a peanut and at 5.5 months.  At 12lbs, she's still wearing 3 month clothing, but she's healthy and happy, a good eater and a good sleeper.  She's a joy.  Can you tell?

It took her all winter to grow into this snowsuit, but she did.  I'm hoping that now it fits, we no longer need it.  We got good use out of it.  We have another one, but she never grew into it.  

Here she is the first time she wore it:

And now:

Life with Miss Hope is a blast.  She makes me smile a hundred times a day.  We have settled into a wonderful little routine and I can no longer imagine life without her.  So here are a couple of everyday pictures:

In the bath

Hanging with Sanders

Sleeping beauty at a party

Go Patriots!

Sitting in my bumbo 

Mommy taking selfies while Hope naps

In February, we celebrated national heart month.  For obvious reasons, this is a big deal to us.  We wore red or hearts for most of the month.  

Hand hearts

Happy Valentine's Day!

Our brave little warrior

First professional pictures.  See her scar?

To say this winter was harsh is an understatement.  February was especially hard.  If I could pick anytime to be home with a newborn/infant, it would not be winter, but this of course, was out of our control.  It was a struggle to get out.  Either bundling Hope up, or racing to get Sanders an early morning walk before Hope woke up and Chris went to work, when it was literally 0 degrees out.  For about 5 weeks straight, boots were the only shoes we wore.  There was a point where there was so much snow, that you couldn't see to pull out of the driveway.  I was afraid to drive, so I stayed home - this is so not me.  We had 10 weekends where it snowed - last weekend was the first time it didn't.  But we managed, and we survived, and even got out, thanks to my ring sling and a coat that is two sizes too big.  Here are some pictures, though none do it justice.  

After blizzard #1 on the bike path

Baby snow angel

After the third blizzard

It's hard to see, but the snow is higher than the fence.

King of the mountain

Bundled up to go outside

Sleepy after battling the cold 

There have been so many milestones since January.  

Right after the holidays, little miss started to sleep through the night.  First it was 8 hours, then 9, then 10, and sometimes even 12.  For a while, she was going to bed around 10 and getting up at 6 to eat then going right back to sleep. Eventually she started dropping that 6AM feed and then started pushing bedtime a little earlier each night.  Now she goes to bed reliably at 7:30-8 and sleeps until about 6.  For the last week, she has been waking in the middle of the night several times crying. We think it is probably teething.  I know we are lucky, especially since she is small.  I also have learned to not get used to this schedule as it is constantly evolving.  

Jan 4

Jan 8

Feb 17

Another milestone was when she started to have better head and neck control.  This made her much less resistant to tummy time, but she still doesn't love it.  Now she's not only doing tummy time, but also rolling reliably from her tummy to back.  Because she has better head and neck control, she can sit in her high chair now!

In March, Hope got to go on a plane for the first time when we flew to Florida.  She did great - she held court with all the other passengers and charmed them, then promptly fell asleep.  I couldn't believe how much stuff we had to take!

While we were in Florida, we noticed she was ready to start eating solids.  Each time I'd eat, she'd follow my spoon from plate to mouth then smack her lips.  So far we have dabbled in oatmeal, avocado, sweet potato, peas, and banana.  Avocado was her favorite, peas not so much.  

On St. Patrick's Day, she turned 5 months old.  We celebrated by dressing our little Irish lass in green!

Most recently, Hope has been working on sitting up.  I took this picture last week.  Can you tell how proud she is of herself?

Over the past few months, she has had visitors and met new people.  Here are just a few of her visitors and new friends!

Great Uncle Dave stopped in for a half hour

Meeting Deniz and new cousin John

Meeting Deniz's mom Sibel 

Meeting Celeste, the daughter of Lynn (Fischer) Fote, an old friend.  They are just two weeks apart, Hope is older - hard to tell by the difference in size!

Visit from Dana and little Cam, who became fast friends with Sanders.

Visit from Bucknell friends Becky and Marina

We had a lot of fun in Florida.  Hope loved the warm weather and we loved taking her out without bundling her up.  She enjoyed the beach, had her first dip in the ocean and the gulf.  She also got to see her first Red Sox game and visit Mary Jane, Chris' step-grandmother. Here are some photos.

Bathing beauty

First dip in the ocean

Family photo

Daddy's girl

Play ball!

Mary-Jane

Tummy time on the beach

Toes

Mommy-baby selfie

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I would still run the Boston marathon this year.  I had no idea exactly how much of a challenge this would be.  Between having an infant and Mother Nature, it was almost impossible at times.  In Feb, when I should have been ramping up mileage, my training stalled out because there was just nowhere to run by myself, let alone with a jogger.  Even if there had been a place to run with the BOB, it was way too cold to take an infant out in for more then a few minutes.  I joined a gym for the first time in 5 or 6 years, just to have a place to run.  With the weather the way it was, it was more important than ever to have company, and I'm so glad to have a wealth of running friends who all support each other a when running gets hard.  Another challenge was getting in long runs, though I am happy to report I got them all in.  Like I said, having company was so important, but I couldn't go at 'normal' long run time when all my friends were going, nor could I keep up.  I would not have gotten through it without my friend Kate, who also had to go at non-traditional times.   Here we are at the 30k of the Boston marathon on Valentine's Day, when we ran back and forth on the Newton Hills several times as the 3rd blizzard was just getting going.   I don't know if I could have pushed through this run or several other runs that would have been equally excruciating without company, but were actually fun running with Kate.

I decided to throw myself in the snow - running snow angel!

After everything Children's hospital has done for my family, I chose to join the Miles for Miracles Team to run in honor of Hope and all her doctors / nurses / and every one else who contributed to saving her life.  So many of you have already donated and I'm so grateful!  In two weeks, when I toe the line, it will be in their colorful singlet.  I have met and surpassed my original goal, and have changed that goal several times.  I hope when it is all said and done, to have raised $4000, maybe $5000.  If you'd like to donate for my run in Hope's honor, here's a link to my page:

Http://fundraise.childrenshospital.org/go to/MollyCrellin 

Last week, we went out to the start for our final long run.  Here I am at the start line in my singlet.  The weather was fittingly terrible, but we had a blast!

Somerville Road Runners group shot

Our jubilant crew with the fireman at the Newton firehouse.  

My training was not what I'd typically do when training for a marathon, but it was adequate.  I feel good as I settle into the taper.  I was able to recover from having Hope, survive the winter, and hopefully have a good day at Boston.  What will a good day be?  I have no time goal - just looking to enjoy the day and all the emotions sure to come with it.

Hope is doing wonderfully.  Yesterday we visited with her cardiologist, Dr Friedman, whom I just love.  He was so pleased with her health and couldn't get over how big and healthy she looked.  The last time he saw her, it was just before Christmas.  He performed an echocardiogram and the results were mostly good.  He checked the repairs and all look great.  Her heart is functioning in the way it should.  The only slight issue he could see had to do with one of the pulmonary arteries, which is narrower than a normal artery.  This is not something new, but could affect her lung function and then, eventually, the development of her lungs.  So we will go in to the hospital in the next few months for a lung scan to see how they are functioning.  If the function is lower than he would like, she will be scheduled for a catheterization, which will require a one night stay at hotel Children's, but should be a pretty straightforward, easy procedure.  

Opening Day!!

Her health otherwise has been excellent.  She has not had any colds or other illnesses, which her cardio was very impressed with.  She has beautiful color. She is growing appropriately, though is still pretty small for her age.  At our last pediatrician appointment, we were given permission to stop fortifying her milk, which made me really happy.  It was a pain to have to put a tablespoon of formula in every time we fed her, now she is just getting straight breastmilk.  I'm hanging in there with regards to pumping, though I had a big dip in my supply last week because on top of training for a marathon, I tried to drop  from 5 pumping sessions to 4.  This caused me to come in about 20oz less for the week, which is a little more than 3 bottles.  The good news is I added that dropped pump back in and I've watched my supply slowly come back up.  However, Hope started taking more in early March and since then, I haven't quite kept up.  I have a stash from when she was sleeping, but it will only last so long. I will continue to pump as long as it is worth it and would love to make it to September when I go back to work, but I feel pretty pleased that I will make it 6 months as it hasn't been easy.  I'm guessing as she begins to eat more and more solids, she will take less and less milk and it will eventually even out. 

Developmentally, she's doing amazing.  Her Early Intervention Occupational Therapist says she is a rockstar.  She started out behind on gross motor, but is catching up beautifully.  She easily rolls from front to back and is working hard on rolling back to front.  She's did it a couple times in Florida and hasn't since.  She sits well with support.  She babbles and coos, and recently has started shrieking with joy.  

Up until a week and a half ago, she was a great sleeper.  We suspect she's teething now, so it's been a rough 10 or so nights.  Last night we were up from 2-4, most of which she spent screaming.  I ended up feeding her, which she doesn't usually need in the middle of the night, and after she ate, she played herself to sleep.

We have been busy.  While I miss school, especially the kids and my co-workers, I love being home with Hope.  We go to several mom's groups and I feel like I'm making friends with other moms with kids the same age.  Now that the weather is getting nicer, I'm trying to get us outside at least once a day.  

So that's the update.  Hope reminds me every single day how blessed we are.  I plan to update more as we close in on marathon Monday, so stay posted!

First Easter basket

Hope and her bunny collection 

 

Easter Sunday best!

What a difference a year makes...

Hanging out with Sanders

I know so many of you have waited patiently, and some not so patiently, for my latest blog post.  So many people have been asking.  I have been quite delinquent in my blog writing over the last month, and while many people have told me how much they look forward to reading, and I've wanted to write, I have been overhwhelmed with my new role of caring for a little one.  I have learned that bringing home a new baby is not easy, but it is especially hard when that new baby comes home right before Thanksgiving to kick off the already busy holiday season,  I have learned that our day is comprised of three to four major activities - feeding, pumping, cleaning the supplies, and diaper changes.  Anything else that happens in our day is a bonus.  Add into that decorating for Christmas (yes, I managed to get us fully decorated!), buying presents, wrapping the presents, and trying to enjoy Christmas.  I managed to accomplish most of these things. Things that did not happen this Christmas - extensive baking and Christmas cards.  Those of you who sent me a card - thanks so much and I'm really sorry you didn't get a card from us, it just was too much for me.  I didn't even get the chance to hang up the cards we received this year.  We loved getting your cards though!  

Our Christmas tree

The stockings were hung...

Lunch date with Carrie-Anne!

Where do I begin?  Reflecting back on 2014, it was certainly a year to remember, not one we could have ever predicted, either.  It kind of seems like a dream.  This time last year, we had just come back from a ski weekend in New Hampshire with friends.  If you had told me about all the things to come, I would never have believed you.  I'm still not sure I believe it.  So much happened.  Most of it was good, but some was not so good.  I am still denial that my dear Mimi is no longer with us - she is really missed, and the holidays were not the same without her.  And then there was the whole business of learning that our sweet baby had a serious heart defect that would require life-saving surgery.  But those are really the only dark spots on 2014.   We traveled a lot.  There was the ski trip to New Hampshire for New Years, Cabo and California in Feb, I went to Virginia Beach in March, Ocean City in April, New Hampshire in May, several trips to OC throughout the summer, then the big trip to Belgium, France, and Switzerland for Fabian and Christine's wedding.  We had the opportunity to go to Spain in May for Rafa's wedding in May, but couldn't make the trip due to work.  But most of the year was spent reacting to the news we got on March 3, news we never thought we'd get - I took that fateful pregnancy test and we first learned of Hope's existence. 

Highlights from our year:

Hacienda Los Cerritos, Baja, Mexico (our Hotel!)

Flora Farms, San Jose del Cabo, Baja, Mexico (I was unknowingly pregnant at this point)

Wine tasting in Sonoma with Chris' Aunt and Uncle (again, I had no idea I was pregnant)

Shamrock Half Marathon, Virginia Beach.   7 weeks pregnant.

With the Saghirian cousins at Mimi's memorial 

Flying over NYC in April, on our way to OCNJ for a wedding

Our house from the air

The boardwalk

Happy dog swimming in the ocean on a summer day

Alsatian wine country

Mt Rigi, near Luzern, Switzerland 

My Belgian parents

At the wedding with my Belgian sisters, 7 months pregnant

I finally saw the Tapis de Fleurs 

More family

Then there was the fall.  Baby showers, the nursery, installing car seats, nesting, washing baby clothes, making food to freeze, etc.  So much of this I put off to the last moment because I was in denial that we'd actually bring this baby home.  You see....infertility and our loss really took its toll on me.  I remember standing in the empty nursery in September before the furniture was delivered staring at it in disbelief.  When the furniture arrived,  I had to keep going in there for it to sink in.  I washed the clothes and put them away.  This time there was actually going to be a baby.  It started to become a room - Hope's room.  And it's my favorite room in our house.   It is filled with tiny clothes, dolls, stuffed animals, and happiness.  It smells nice (sometimes), it's cheerful, and was often a sanctuary for me while she was in the hospital.    

There were all those doctors appointments.  Early on, they were filled with anxiety and the fear that something would go wrong, and that we would lose this baby like we lost the one before.  We got to the 8 week appointment and heard the heartbeat, we made it to the 12 week ultrasound and we watched our child bouncing around on the screen in disbelief.  We had the genetic testing done - all looked normal and we couldn't believe it.  She was healthy!  At each monthly appointment, I held my breath a little bit as I waited for the heartbeat, even towards the end.  Then I heard movement in addition to the heartbeat.  She was real.  And then there was the fateful 22 week appointment where the OB told me it was likely that our baby had a heart defect.  At that moment, without fully understanding the situation, it was almost as devastating as being told our baby would not live. Three days later, we took a deep breath and walked through the doors of Children's Hospital for the first time.  This was such a scary place to me, a place I never wanted to see the inside of.  Yet, I've always felt a sense of awe at what happens there.  Funny, because now, after spending 40 days practically living there, I feel a sense of home when I walk through the doors.  We met Dr Freidman, the man who ultimately would help save our daughter's life, for the first time, on July 3.  He did not have great news, but was reassuring, a theme that continued throughout her hospital stay.  Fortunately, later in the day, he changed the diagnosis, and while it was still serious, it was not nearly as bad.  The upside of her heart condition was that I received extra prenatal care.  By August, I was getting ultrasounds almost every week.  It was around mid-September that my blood pressure started to creep up.  The real kicker was at the beginning of October when I gained 9lbs in a week, my legs, feet and, hands were swelled up like balloons, and my blood pressure was through the roof.  It was at that 36 week appointment that it became clear that Hope was coming sooner than later.  After that appointment we kicked it into high gear. The weekend after that was Columbus Day weekend, so we spent it doing all the last minute things we needed to do, including a DIY maternity shoot, since we never got around to doing that.

 

October 14 was a memorable day - the day they told me they planned on inducing me on Thursday the 16th.  She was almost here.  I had to quickly wrap it up at work.  I had been quite active on an online forum for moms over 35 due in November and it became clear that that I was going to be the first to have my baby, which was exciting for all of us.  

On the way to be able induced!

October 17 at 2:47 our lives changed forever.   Hope came into the world with a bang.  There were at least a dozen people in the room to welcome her and ensure her health and safety.  She was pink!   Everyone in the room exclaimed how pink she was.  And from as far as we could tell, she was absolutely perfect.  

October and November seemed to last forever, but yet it's like they didn't exist.  Those were the hours and days we spent by Hope's crib waiting for her to get better.  This is the period of time when Children's became a second home - I was spending more time there than at my actual home.  So many of you read my blog and supported us during that time, and we're so grateful and humbled by that support.  This blog and your support got me through.  

We finally brought her home two days before Thanksgiving.  It has been a blur since.  December is a hectic month to begin with, but add into that a newborn and the adjustment to having a newborn at home, and then figure into that a newborn with a lot of doctors appointments.  I was determined that the holidays would be the same and fully decorated my house.  I have no regrets.  Of all years, I didn't want this to be the year that the house wasn't decorated.  Of course, now comes the process of taking it all down.  I will definitely miss the light of the Christmas tree during the middle of the night feedings.  

We had a wonderful Christmas.  We spent Christmas Eve with Chris' family and family friends, woke up at home on Christmas morning, had Christmas dinner at Chris' parents, then headed south to Jersey for a long weekend and the chance to meet my whole family.  It was a busy weekend, but this year, I finally got everything I wanted for Christmas.

Meeting Santa

My stocking is bigger than me!

The ladies (Dad's family) - Christmas Day

Family photo - Christmas Day 

  

All dressed up

The best presents are under the tree

Meeting Mom's cousins

The Evans family (Grammy's side)

The Saghirian Clan

Family photo

New Years resolution?  Last year I resolved to make a new soup every week.  I did pretty well until March.  It was fun, but a goal that is probably unattainable this year, and almost seems silly now.  So what will I do is year?  I was so touched by all of you who reached out and am still embarrassed that I was unable to respond to everyone.  Mostly, there has not been time, but when there has been time, I've often lacked the energy.   This year, I want to be better in touch with all those who have supported us this year.  Over the past four years, I have relied heavily on the support of friends and family, but haven't been much of a friend myself.  I want to be a better friend.  I want to slow things down and enjoy the little things.  With the next 8 months to be a stay-at-home mom, I want to enjoy every second watching my daughter grow and change.  I want to show her our world and watch as she learns about the world around her.  I want to sit and look at her, cuddle her, love her.  We waited so long for her.  

Happy New Year from a sleepy Hope

I am happy to report that little Miss Hope is thriving.  Since we brought her home at the end of November she has gained more than 3 pounds. She is changing every day.  She's growing out of her newborn clothes and is growing into her 3 month clothes. Her scar is tiny - it looks like a pencil line.  She has been taken off most of her meds and we will not see the cardiologist again until April.  The other specialists, we will not see until March.  We are focusing on normal baby stuff.  She is learning how to do things, like smile, laugh, and play.  Yesterday, she showed real interest in Sanders for the first time.  She was playing on her mat and started reaching for him and wiggling, trying to get to him.  Eventually she was able to touch his ear.  She has met most of her family and many of our friends. She's celebrated Christmas in a big way, as we dragged her from party to party introducing her to everyone we know.  She has been passed from person to person and remains an easygoing little baby.  I just don't know how we got so lucky.  

First smile caught on camera

A real big smile

Playing in my gym while Sanders watches

My coat is a bit big - can you believe this is 3 month coat?   It should fit by March!

Two of many naps with dad

My first road race with mom

All tuckered out

Are we sleeping?  Not exactly.  She goes down easy, but still requires to be fed at least once, sometimes twice in the middle of the night.  This is hard.  I'm tired, but it is so worth it.

I am so happy it is January and time to focus on real life.  My self care took a hit in December.  Between prepping for the holidays and running around to all the doctors, I didn't have much time for me.  Exercise has been the first thing to go, but that has to change now that it is January.  It's finally time to buckle down and start training for Boston.  I went out and ran 6 miles yesterday and it felt wonderful.  My pace is recovering and I was able to easily hold 9 min/miles for 6 miles.  I am so glad I stayed fit throughout my pregnancy, as it has been easy to recover.  In the next week, I plan on drawing up my training plan.  As I reported in my last post, I have the honor of running for Children's this year and am really looking forward to my return to the Boston marathon.  It's been 5 years, and so much has happened in that time.  It will be so meaningful to run in the Children's singlet in honor not only of Hope, but also in honor of her doctors and nurses.  I am close to the minimum I need to raise, but I plan on upping my goal, as this is a cause that is so important to me.    Please help me honor them.  Thank you so much to all those who already have - I haven't gotten around to personal thank yous yet, but I will.  

To donate, go to:

Http://fundraise.childrenshospital.org/goto/MollyCrellin

I still can't believe she's ours and we get to keep her.  Like I said, infertility took its toll.  I will never be the same.   After all we went through, It doesn't seem we should be this lucky.  Neither of us can believe we are parents.  I keep thinking I am going to wake up and the nursery will be an office again and I will have to get up and go to work, instead of staying at home for the rest of the year with my sweet baby girl.  But instead, I wake up from my dreams and rise in the middle of the night to the cries of my hungry daughter, and rub my tired eyes.  This is real.  It's not a dream.  And as tired as I am, every time I feel her warm weight in my arms and feel her nuzzle in, completely relaxed in my arms where she feels safe, I realize I am so incredibly happy and blessed.  I wouldn't change a thing.